Losing

Losing people that I'm close to, whether friends or family, is never easy and something I feel like I'll never get used to, even though it's happened quite often in my life so far. There is a small group of former friends, all of whom I was very close to, that I have lost due to my own mistakes.  For them, I can only offer my sincerest apologies and hope that their lives are happy and that I enjoyed our brief time together.

Then there are those friends, family, and dear ones that I have lost because they passed away.  Some I knew well and was close to and others I didn't have the opportunity but, all the same, I will have a hole in my heart where they once were.  Lastly, there are those that I have lost because they, for whatever reason, have one away from my life.  This final group is especially hurtful personally because I can't help but feel like I could have done more to help them in their time of need so that they didn't have to leave.

The moral of the story? Hold on to those friends and family and loved ones you do have because you never know when you might lose them or what the future may bring.  That is why, for the family, friends and dear ones I have now, I hold onto them and appreciate them as much as I can every day.

Maybe being able to do that has been my one saving grace.

The Kind of Guy I Am

I am an inherently nice person. I cannot help it. I used to fight it, resent it, and yearn to be someone else altogether. However, as I've gotten older, I learned to realize that this is how I was meant to be. I'm just wired in such a way that I have qualities that kind of define me as "nice": I am patient, I am compassionate, I tend to be selfless, and I am very nurturing and caring about others.

I think part of it is genetics. My family has always exhibited the qualities that I have come to define me personally as an individual.  However, I also think that my own situation as a person living with a permanent physical disability has taught me the importance of treating people the right way, not engaging in being judgmental, and trying my best to not take advantage of or take others for granted.

Granted, I have made my fair share of mistakes and I have hurt people too. I am human after all, but I realize my errors and I try to do better and just be the kind of person that is good and someone that others might point to and say, "you know, Ray's not perfect but he sure is worth knowing."

As such, I think that part of my purpose in life is to show people how good they are and to encourage them and being there for them as a supporter and as someone who cares.  I feel blessed and lucky for my family and for all those in my own life who have loved, cared, and supported me through thick and thin.  Maybe someday, someone special will love me and I will have the happiness I have always wanted and needed.  I can only hope that that will be the case and I will have my happy ending like so many of the people I know do.

The Reason Why I Write

When people first meet me and I tell them that I write, the most common response that I get is, "wow, I didn't know that you do that."  Since I have to live with a lifelong disability, I really didn't get to be able to participate in sports (except for Special Olympics briefly in grade school) and so I sought refuge in books.  As I matured and got to high school, the brutal murder of my classmate Tanya and her younger sister Tracy provided the impetus for me to finally have the impetus for me to write poetry.

I wrote my first poem back in 1991 or 1992 and have written off and on ever since.  Currently, I have a poetry blog on here (Blogger) that I write for from time to time.  Although the pain of losing Tanya and Tracy is what motivated me to start creative writing, my own experiences and love of the written word, make it possible for me to continue with it to this day.

Untitled Letter

Dear JC,

I know that you must be frustrated by the sheer fickleness and bullshit and unnecessary drama that often occurs on sites such as Twitter or Facebook.  I know the feeling, I've been there many many times.  Suffice to say, despite all the idiots, wankers, and fuck offs you tend to run into on social media sites, there are those rare times that you do meet genuinely good people that actually care and that become an important part of your life that are worth knowing.

You have always shown me the utmost kindness, care, concern, and love in all the time that I've known you. I want you to know that I care about you very much and I have nothing but love and admiration for you in my heart. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask because I'm here for you, no matter what. And my life is a better one because you're a part of it.

Sincerely yours,

- R

Remembering Meg

I don't often like to talk about people I've lost because it often gets too hard I me emotionally but I want to talk this time out to remember a friend of mine named Meg.  Although I did not have the privilege of knowing her well, what I did know about Meg I truly valued, loved, and admired.  She was a wonderful woman, so full of love and vitality. She loved her friends so much and she never hesitated to give a kind word or go out of her way to make someone's day a little brighter.

Meg,

You may not remember me, but I won't ever forget you. Although you had to say goodbye way too soon, the lives you touched (including mine) will be forever grateful. Please know that you'll always remain in our hearts and we are grateful for having you as part of our lives.  This is not goodbye, dear one, but hopefully just a "we hope to see you again someday."  Thank you so much for making our lives more special and more worthwhile.  I can honestly say that I, and everyone who knew you, will always hold a place in our hearts for you and we will never stop loving or remembering the wonderful person you were and the angel in Heaven that you have become.  We miss you always.

With eternal gratitude and love,

- R

The N.. Word, Pedophiles and the Other Dangers of Social Media

The great thing about social media sites like Twitter and Facebook is that people can come together and speak their minds and share interacting with friends and meet new people.  However, I have some problems whenever I have logged into Twitter.  The first one is the widespread use of the "n.." word.  In my mind, there is no excuse for racially offensive slurs or any other slurs have no place on social media sites or any other place on the Internet for that matter.

The other problem that I have encountered (and this was just today) was pedophiles.  I ran across a user on Twitter whose entire account is to talk about how he wants to have sex with underage girls and also wants to engage in incest.  That is not just morally and socially wrong and repulsive but also illegal.

The last problem is a general lack of respect that I've seen on Twitter and have heard on Facebook.  There is no excuse for people to diss other people.  It's one thing if you've been wronged and have reason to say something in your own defense, but it is wrong to engage in verbal abuse and cyber bullying or stalking.  The solution is simple: do your best to respect people and they will respect you and not start drama.  I believe that the majority of people that frequent Twitter and Facebook are decent and will try to keep the Internet a safe environment where people can come together and interact without any harm or negative consequences happening.

Things I Hate - "Love Shack" by the B-52's

Not many things annoy me, but I feel the need, the absolute compulsion to comment about one of the few songs I hate with a passion: "Love Shack" by the B-52's.  The music is campy, the premise of the song gives me a headache, and I wanna pluck my eyes out with a razor every time I see the damn music video.

I get that it's supposed to be fun but all that hollerin' about a tin roof that is rusted and a bunch of crazy people pretending to have a good time while this atrocity of a song (if I can even call it that, a song that is) plays is beyond comprehension.

My contempt and hatred for this song knows no bounds.  And if anyone dares play this at my funeral, I will crawl out of my grave and throat punch the assholes with my dead, broken down fist if I have to.

Why are people so judgmental on social media sites and the internet?

Okay, let me preface this by saying that I'm not perfect and I realize people make mistakes and should be entitled to do so, but...

WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SO QUICK TO JUDGE ON THE INTERNET?

(sorry, but it just really bugs the crapola outta me)

This problem is found everywhere but is absolutely rampant on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook.  Granted they are some bonafide douchebags, sleazeballs, and lowlifes online but anyone who a sliver of common sense knows not to even talk to those people and steer clear of danger.

But all too often I see bickering, insults, and just plain narrow-mindedness on Twitter and have heard horror stories about the going-ons in Facebook land and it honestly makes me cringe.

For all the people who just like to judge and cause trouble and stir shit, I have a piece of advice: SHUT THE FUCK UP, LEARN SOME RESPECT, and GET A LIFE!

People go on sites like Twitter and Facebook to have a good time and be with good people they can interact with.  Going on these sites just to nitpick and criticize people is not only useless, moronic, and idiotic, it is a waste of time and it ruins other people's ability to enjoy Twitter and Facebook as a means to socially interact with others.

And I'd like to close with this:  Before you judge someone, take the time to think about what they've gone through because you don't really know someone until you've either gotten to know them as a human being or walked a mile in their shoes. 

Why I decided to start yet another blog

Not long ago, I toyed with the idea, in my head of course, of doing a very personal blog.  However, when I started it, I noticed that it was much tougher to actually stay motivated enough to consistently write down my thoughts and feelings and other things because I had to always mentally filter what was "worthwhile" to note and what was not.

By the way, I will not be using this as a strictly personal diary or strictly unfiltered rant blog but will try to find an manageable means between the two.  Kind of like a sandwich but a lot less tasty and with a lot less calories. (I know, bad joke. I'm such a dork. LOL.)

It's also important to note that I do have a Twitter and anyone can find me there and follow if they so choose to.

Anyhoo, I've rambled on long enough but I will try my best to keep anyone who reads this entertained, engaged, and make it worth their while.